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Wednesday, April 20, 2011

How Easy to Harbor Resentments

A small combination of factors has led to my feeling irritated and out
of sorts this morning. It's funny how these little factors can add up
and nobody is really at fault.

1. I am in pain. In spite of getting pain meds at six - about an hour
and forty minutes ago - my leg hurts like hell. A note about that: this
is not necessarily the usual experience one has with knee surgery.
Yesterday I was talking to my friend Dorothy, and she mentioned that she
felt pain only when she was pushed in therapy to increase the range of
motion. The rest of the time she was simply pain-free. I don't wish to
represent my experience as typical.

2. Two rooms share a bathroom here. So that's four people. There is only
one person in my room (me) and two in the other.

3. Somebody in the other room has long morning rituals in the bathroom.
It appears that both of the women in that room are frail and it probably
takes a long time to do much of anything, and for some reason she always
takes showers, long ones, and follows that with additional activity in

4. I have been waiting about 45 minutes to get to that bathroom.
Initially I just wanted to get some water in my plastic bin so I can
wash up and brush my teeth, but now I have to use the toilet as well.

5. Because it's morning and I have not gotten dressed I am wearing a
night dress. This night dress is not long and I don't feel comfortable
going to the public bathroom outside this room. Further, because of my
leg brace, it is no easy feat for me to jump into some pants and run on
over there.

If I did not have the brace, if the woman took shorter showers, if if
if... Here I am, feeling a bit distressed for good reason but I can't
blame anyone except for the institution. I can blame them for not giving
me my own bathroom! Somehow I don't see that working out.

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