Go Figure

Today I met with the DynaSplint rep for a followup, just before I had a scheduled PT appointment. I wasn't feeling particularly well, had some stomach issues, but they seemed to be evened out enough by the time I had the appointment, fortunately.

We went over how I put the splint on, adjusting the straps, and she read all of my comments and noted the progress I had made. She said I was doing really well, just as she expected I would. She recommended that I stay at level 9 for three or four days, trying to up the hours, then gradually move up, increasing the tension only every few days or so rather than every day as I have been.  I had mistakenly thought that I had to pull the straps to the same place every day, even when one or two were biting into my flesh. It was good to hear that no, I just needed to get it on right and adjust as needed.

After the rep left I went straight into PT as usual. I felt, for some reason, unusually tired. It may be that I had lost some energy with the stomach issue, whatever it was. I suspect I ate something suspicious.  I did not say anything about how I felt, just plunged ahead, pushing my body a little farther than I really wanted to, frankly.

I see an old pattern emerging. When people in authority do not let me know how I am doing I tend to work extra hard and feel resentful at the same time. I have dropped comments from time to time about what I do outside of PT, hoping that I will get a chance to describe exactly what my gym routines are, for example, because I think it would be helpful for them to know, to be able to adjust what I do at the PT office.  Nobody has taken me up on these hints so I just keep plugging along. At this point I feel I am doing as much as I care to do, as much as is reasonable to expect of me, frankly.  Six days a week at the gym, over an hour every day. I think it's enough, especially added to the three days a week at the PT office, which counts as another workout.

So there I was, pushing the leg extension and leg curl machines beyond what I really wanted to do, to a kind of breaking point. I don't think I hurt anything but I wanted to show that I am up for it, that I do not try to get out of work. (Believe me, I am not talking about a hell of a lot of work; just enough to make my legs feel, at the time, that they cannot do more.)

After PT I went to the beach. I went to Avila, found a disabled parking space, walked down the stairs to the ocean, took off my shoes,  and walked in.  I stayed there a while, enjoying the waves pushing against my legs, and then came back in and walked to the grocery there to have a sandwich. Not a strenuous effort but simply an enjoyable one.

Yet when I got home I felt so exhausted. I did not do any more today than I do many many days. So I don't know what was going on with me. I dozed a bit while watching one television show and finally turned off the set at nine and headed for bed.

Yet, in spite of feeling so tired and in spite of taking sleeping pills (Advil pm) and pain pills (Percocet) I am still awake. I lay there minute after minute, hour after hour, making adjustments to the dynasplint, to how my leg was laying, trying to get to sleep, and not succeeding. I never get to sleep before midnight any more, and often even later than that. I am hoping that by coming here to write this up I might have added yet another layer of tired and will be able to nod off quietly and stay that way.